freedom_is_grey: (wondering and afraid)
Ysalwen Surana, Warden-Commander of Ferelden ([personal profile] freedom_is_grey) wrote2016-10-17 07:12 pm

Don't call my name out loud

The bar is too close and full of people, so Ysalwen threads her way through the crowd, forcing herself to keep an easy pace to the back door and out.

The cold air is bracing and comforting, even though she currently doesn't have a cloak.

One deep breath, another, and a squaring of shoulders, and she's pacing at a rapid clip out and around the lake.

Eventually she might start running.

Liranan is nowhere in sight.
howtoactfereldan: (to rest in the warmest places)

[personal profile] howtoactfereldan 2016-10-18 12:18 am (UTC)(link)
The Caribbean inlet is warmer... but not by much. Cullen's there anyway, alone, watching the water from his perch on a rock.
howtoactfereldan: (as a boulder stands before the tide)

[personal profile] howtoactfereldan 2016-10-18 12:32 am (UTC)(link)
It draws his attention --

There's Ysalwen. There's Ysalwen moving fast.

Alone.

Cullen's on his feet without thinking about it. "Ysa? Is everything -- ?"
howtoactfereldan: (as a boulder stands before the tide)

[personal profile] howtoactfereldan 2016-10-18 12:44 am (UTC)(link)
Cullen rarely comes to Milliways armed (save for a belt knife, but that hardly counts). And this doesn't seem like something that requires a sword, but --

"What? What happened?"
howtoactfereldan: (they shall be named Maleficar)

[personal profile] howtoactfereldan 2016-10-18 01:03 am (UTC)(link)
Kirkwall.

I killed them
.

In a way that's all she needed to say.

Without thinking about it too hard -- if he does then he'll do something he'll regret later, act like who he used to be instead of who he is -- he sets a hand firm on her shoulder, and squeezes. "Ysa. Breathe. Start there."
howtoactfereldan: (they shall be named Maleficar)

[personal profile] howtoactfereldan 2016-10-18 01:10 am (UTC)(link)



Well.

Cullen's been there. With the not wanting to.

"Good." Low. "Well done. Just like that."
howtoactfereldan: (fire at the heart of the world)

[personal profile] howtoactfereldan 2016-10-18 01:25 am (UTC)(link)
That's the first step done. Second --

He needs to know. It was different, of course -- if there were Wardens there when he lived through the mage uprising in Kirkwall, he doesn't remember -- but if she's this upset, those differences are important. Even if the end result is the same.

But asking --

I killed them.

(Cullen remembers watching her at Kinloch, watching how alone she became once it was clear that her magical skills were oriented toward destruction and death. Remembers how quiet she was.)

-- isn't going to get those answers. Not now. Not like this.

Slow and careful, attuned and ready to back off at any sign of resistance, Cullen folds her in a solid embrace.
howtoactfereldan: (to rest in the warmest places)

[personal profile] howtoactfereldan 2016-10-18 01:36 am (UTC)(link)
He rests a palm on the back of her head, looking out at the water.







Softly:

"That city is rotten, through and through. It's cold comfort. But no blame lies with you, Ysa. No matter what."
howtoactfereldan: (they shall be named Maleficar)

[personal profile] howtoactfereldan 2016-10-18 01:56 am (UTC)(link)
Cullen lets out a quiet sigh.

"Can you -- I don't want to assume it's the same. What happened. It isn't -- as far as I know, the Wardens didn't try to intervene with Anders. So if you can..."
howtoactfereldan: (the well of all souls)

[personal profile] howtoactfereldan 2016-10-18 09:48 pm (UTC)(link)
But Cullen is the color of old oatmeal, and for one sudden, horrible moment he thinks he's going to be sick.

He folds his arms tight across his middle, as though she stabbed him.

Does Cassandra know? She must -- she's been getting the whole story. Anders was getting into and out of the Gallows for months. Is that why Orsino turned to blood magic? Surely not -- it's the city, the whole city, and the red lyrium. Can it be possible for all of this to be laid at the feet of one apostate?

"No," Cullen breathes, and rakes his hands through his hair. No. It was the -- it was everything. It was the last thousand years of misery that explains and defines the city's existence. It was the hard turn against magic that occurred at Andraste's defeat of the Tevinter Imperium and again at the time of the first Inquisition. It was a million cruelties, piled one on top of another. It was what happened to Meredith Stannard's sister that turned the former knight-commander against magic. It was every Maker-damned one of them who forgot that justice must be tempered by mercy. That their chief task is to protect each other, to preserve order, to live up to the higher ideals that drove Andraste (or elven gods, or the Qun, or whoever it is the dwarves believe in).

"I -- need a minute." He rubs his forehead. "I didn't know. About that. We're all right, I just -- I need a minute."
howtoactfereldan: (the well of all souls)

[personal profile] howtoactfereldan 2016-10-18 11:15 pm (UTC)(link)
It doesn't matter.

-- that's not true; it does matter, but one has to prioritize. Everything is a different set of problems, some more pressing than others, and you can't aim at the bigger picture when there's something more important --

Cullen follows his own advice: a breath, in and out, slow.

He's killed abominations. He's killed former friends and colleagues. He's been present for failed Harrowings. He's been betrayed by the superior in charge of his physical, spiritual, and moral well-being.

Ysa's killed an archdemon, and untold numbers of darkspawn, but Cullen's willing to bet -- never anything quite like this.

And just like that: Cullen puts aside the revelation, and puts what's important first.

"All right." Soft; steady calm washes over him like a wave. "Anders was an abomination. Leaving -- all, all implications aside... no blame lies with you."

Because it was a choice, for Anders. There's always a choice, somewhere along the line. There's always a chance to do the better thing, or the right thing.

"Tell me you know that. Please."
howtoactfereldan: (the one who repents)

[personal profile] howtoactfereldan 2016-10-19 01:11 am (UTC)(link)
Protecting people from abuses of magic is why the Templar Order exists. It's beyond not the time to bring it up, but -- Ysa's had a look at the other side. What it's like.

His hand's on her shoulder again. "Can you tell me what did happen? From the beginning? Why you were in Kirkwall this time?"
howtoactfereldan: (to rest in the warmest places)

[personal profile] howtoactfereldan 2016-10-19 01:26 am (UTC)(link)
(That's the point: it hurts. And it has to be done, for the sake of everyone else, and there are the vows that make you swear to remember, always, that it's a thankless job.

But mages and templars can be friends.)

It's a bad situation when Cullen resorts to humor. Or a sorry attempt at it. "Give me some credit," he says lightly. "I wouldn't wish that on his facial hair. Or his person. -- he's well?"
howtoactfereldan: (the aegis of the alamarri)

[personal profile] howtoactfereldan 2016-10-19 01:32 am (UTC)(link)
Cullen squeezes her shoulder. Waits. Listens.

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