walking down the trousers of time

[freedom_is_grey]

Ysalwen is standing by the fireplace, cloak in hand, half-turning to go out the back door and then turning back, scanning the crowd as if looking for something.

Or someone.

Liranan, too, is practically vibrating in place.

Taking cues from your person can be a difficult thing to bear, for a mabari.

He cannot make this better!

Comments

[howtoactfereldan]

"You've said, yes."

Quiet.

"He... saved a lot of lives, in Darktown, at great personal risk. For years, he did that. I can't forget that. No one should forget that. The one doesn't erase the other."

[freedom_is_grey]

"No."

Some might think it should, but --

No.

"No, it doesn't."

She exhales, eyes closing.

"I have to see him. Anders. To know if -- "

Ysalwen cut herself off ruthlessly, pulling back what must surely be the wrong words.

(Maybe there are no right words.)

"I have to try."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen sighs, unhappy, and doesn't even bother trying to hide it.

Low:

"I know. Just -- take backup. Please. I don't -- I don't know what will be happening by the time you get there, but -- assume the worst. Assume that if you run into any templars they'll put you in the Circle without letting you send out any messages. You have to be careful. If -- I know you wouldn't do it for my sake, but -- please."

[freedom_is_grey]

"I will. I promise. And Zevran has at least one old friend in Kirkwall -- I asked, before I sent Nathaniel the first time. And I'll leave word with Alistair and Leliana. So they know, just in case anything goes wrong."

It --

"I have no desire to ever be caged again. But I can't let my fe -- "

Her fear.

"If there's any chance that things can be stopped, or changed, or -- I want to try."

Saying she has to would be a lie. She's choosing this. She wants to be the kind of person that chooses this. So.

[howtoactfereldan]

"You won't catch me trying to talk you out of it."

They're stopped; Ci whines softly, pressing herself against his leg.

"Just please don't go alone."

[freedom_is_grey]

"I won't."

I'm sorry, she does not say.

She presses her own hand against the top of Liranan's head, scratching softly between his ears.

"I'll leave word when I make it back. If I don't see you first."

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen nods. Doesn't reply.

(If he did, it'd be please don't do this.)

[freedom_is_grey]

"So," she says, at last, shifting forward a half step.

Shall they keep walking?

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen moves his feet without thinking about it.

(It started out as such a nice day.)

[freedom_is_grey]

"So," she repeats, a little bit later, after they've gone a bit farther around the lake.

I didn't mean to make this all about me, she does not say.

Instead --

"You said there was more? News. Before -- I mean. If you want to talk. Or I can -- not."

[howtoactfereldan]

For one brief, horrible moment, Cullen is certain he will break into slightly hysterical laughter.

The feeling passes. Thank the Maker.

"Seeker Pentaghast came to Kirkwall for -- a few reasons, actually. But one of them was to tell me that the Divine is reforming the Inquisition. And -- "

It still sounds absurd when he says it.

" -- she's asked me to command the Inquisition's forces."

He rubs the back of his neck. "And... I told her the only way I'd do it is if I.... wasn't a templar any longer."

In for a copper, in for a sovereign.

"I'll be stopping the lyrium, soon."

That's about it, really.

[freedom_is_grey]

Well, then.

"Oh. You -- you'll be good at it. Commanding, I mean. I -- "

He helped her a lot. And there's a lot to be said for purpose.

And not being in fucking Kirkwall.

"I -- do you have notes? About anyone that's tried it before. If you don't, or if you want -- there's a library here that goes on forever. I could -- "

She won't if he doesn't want her to, but it will be hard.

" -- look. If that's -- I don't know if it would help. If -- "

Ysalwen met a retired templar, once, in Orzammar. He didn't remember much of anything. It was --

Sad.

Some things, she knows, are not preferable to death.

[howtoactfereldan]

"I have a method in mind," is all he says.

Better she react this way than with... anything stronger, in any direction.

[freedom_is_grey]

"Oh."

Well, then.

"Good. If I can do anything -- you don't have to tell me. Just. If you want to."

Anyway.

"I'll try."

[howtoactfereldan]

He's been on his own since Kinloch. Nothing new there.

"Thank you," is all he says.

[freedom_is_grey]

Another silent stretch of walking.

Then --

"Do you think Ci and Liranan might like to play fetch? There are sticks. I didn't think to bring a frisbee. Or a ball."

[howtoactfereldan]

"Of course."

He's not really listening.

[freedom_is_grey]

She would care, but she's trying very hard not to let herself dwell on what will happen if she gets taken in Kirkwall.

How long will she last in captivity that dire? Will what she becomes be worse than what Anders might do? How long can she wait for rescue before slitting her own throat? (Will she still be able to make that call if she waits too long? Will she have already opened a door and let a demon in? Will she -- )

She interrupts her own thoughts by bending down, picking up a slightly off-balance stick, and hurling it away from herself in an arc.

Liranan gives her a look and a whine, but she just lifts her chin in that direction, and he goes.

One.

"Take Ci under your wing, please," she says, when he gets back. Then she throws the stick again.

Two.

[howtoactfereldan]

Ci looks at the stick, and almost goes --

She looks at Ysalwen.

Then the little(r) gray dog moves, trotting up to Cullen and literally sitting on his boot.

Cullen blinks.

[freedom_is_grey]

There we go.

Someone's doing something.

Ysalwen throws the stick again, Liranan trotting obediently after it.

Three.

Four.

Five . . .

Eventually Liranan brings back a mouthful of flat stones, instead.

For skipping across the lake.

[howtoactfereldan]

At which point Cullen has given in to the inevitable and is sitting on the ground, knees drawn up. Ci is stretched out on her side next to him at optimal petting angle.

It's for his sake. Completely altruistic on her part.

(The set of his shoulders has relaxed, some.)

[freedom_is_grey]

Ysalwen's own considerable focus is on skipping each stone as many times as possible.

Then multiplying the total by the stone number, and adding it to her overall total. She wins when she gets to 1,000. Or something.

Her other hand rests on Liranan's back, just below his neck.

They are both breathing.

It's not terrible.

[howtoactfereldan]

It's something he used to do as a child, with the family dog, out at the lake that served as his quiet place.

It's a good habit. Something he can do when he leaves Kirkwall, should he get the chance.

(Should he get the chance.)

Ci rolls over on her back; Cullen's smile, crooked as it is, is drawn out before he realizes, and he rubs her belly.

[freedom_is_grey]

Ysalwen continues to skip stones.

When she only has a few left in the pile, Liranan heaves himself to his feet and goes to hunt down more.

At last she achieves five skips.

Now to attempt six.

Or maybe glance over at Cullen and Ci. To -- see.

[howtoactfereldan]

It helps, making someone happy solely with his presence. Everything else might be a mess... but his mabari likes him.

(It's easier to be quiet, small, self-contained. To find a place, however small and out of the way, to be at peace.

Whatever comes next -- )