You can't go home again, but you can visit the import shop

[freedom_is_grey]

At least Anders looked at her this time. That's -- something. And he seemed interested in news from home, particularly how the mage and templar co-educational schools are doing.

That is also something. (Perhaps even a great deal.)

And now she's helping make up aid packages in the back of the Fereldan import shop, passing time in useful work while waiting for Isabela to give her the nod that it's safe to head for the docks. Liranan lounges sleepily at her feet.

Comments

[howtoactfereldan]

He keeps his head down. Takes another breath in, and out.

Whatever's going to happen --

It isn't happening in Lirene's. That's what matters.

He cannot let the passing denizens of Lowtown see a templar brought down. Cullen straightens, turns, wishes he had a helmet to hide behind.

He's Meredith's mouthpiece? He'll do his job. "The Wardens should inform the Viscount's office upon deciding to conduct maneuvers within Kirkwall." It's as blank and foreboding as he can make it.

He is also not meeting her eyes.

[freedom_is_grey]

Don't let him see you wince.

She squares her shoulders, hands deliberately loose to keep them from toying with her armor.

"I'll take that under advisement should the situation arise again."

A great deal depends on who that Viscount is.

"Is there a similar protocol for Wardens visiting friends and family?"

[howtoactfereldan]

"No different than that of any other visitor by land or sea. Though that might cause some to question wearing the colors on a personal endeavor."

At least the role is comfortable, with the rules.

(If she does anything, anything -- he has to be ready.)

[freedom_is_grey]

"I was told by those in the know that some symbol of my affiliations would make it safer for me to visit at all."

Her mouth does not twist.

"Will you tell me they're wrong?"

[howtoactfereldan]

"It is not my place to comment."

His eyes flick to her, but don't -- can't -- linger.

[freedom_is_grey]

"Don't you live here?"

[howtoactfereldan]

"The Order and the Circle reside in the Gallows. I'm sure you've seen it from a distance."

Stiffly.

[freedom_is_grey]

"I haven't made a habit of looking."

She doesn't flinch. It takes a little effort.

"We don't have Circles in Ferelden anymore."

[howtoactfereldan]

"I'm sure the Spire has an opinion about that." His eyes have narrowed; he's speaking approximately to the wall over her shoulder. "I, however, do not. Was there anything else, or might I go about my business? You have, after all, observed that I live here."

[freedom_is_grey]

"The Spire can go hang."

What?

"You, though -- "

There's really no way to do anything right here, but still. She has to ask.

"You're well? Here."

[howtoactfereldan]

Coldly:

"I serve the Order, as I always have."

Including the White Spire.

[freedom_is_grey]

She exhales.

"I know. I serve my own Order, as I always will."

Now, at least. Since the Joining.

[howtoactfereldan]

"Then we've nothing to say to each other."

That is Cullen's profound hope, at least.

[freedom_is_grey]

"Perhaps not, just now. Except -- "

There's one important thing here.

"Will I be able to come back?"

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen -- scowls.

"You say that as though I had the power to stop you."

[freedom_is_grey]

"Don't you? Or if not stop, at least make it very difficult?"

She schools her expression to stillness and keeps it there through force of will.

(Not so much habit, these days.)

"I would hate to deprive Nathaniel of the excuse to visit his kin."

[howtoactfereldan]

He lets out an explosive breath. "What is it you want me to say? Shall I dance for your pleasure? Twist in the wind? Get it out, so you can revel in my shame and be gone."

Later he will reflect on this and observe that he should probably be speaking more quietly.

[freedom_is_grey]

"You really don't know me."

It's almost wondering, that.

"I don't know why -- "

Except she does know why it feels like he would. Or should. Or --

"I just wish you were happy."

[howtoactfereldan]

The only reason Cullen doesn't turn and walk away is that he has been trained never to turn his back on an apostate mage.

In the comeback of the century:

"You don't know me, either," he retorts.

[freedom_is_grey]

Her expression doesn't fall only because she doesn't let it.

(And she's a Warden, not an apostate, thank you and good night.)

"No. I know. Just -- once I think it felt like we did."

[howtoactfereldan]

Any mage living outside of a Circle is an apostate. Because mages are dangerous. Mages must be contained. Mages --

"That was weakness on my part," he snarls. "And manipulation on yours. Never again will I make that mistake."

[freedom_is_grey]

"No," Ysalwen agrees, chin tilting up just slightly.

She does not look at all afraid.

Maybe she should, but --

She won't.

"I can see that. Most people do mistake kindness for weakness. It's a pity."

It happens to her all the time.

"I'll be sure to send a letter to the Viscount next time I intend to visit. Just to prevent trouble. I thank you for the advice."

[howtoactfereldan]

"Did you get what you wanted from me? Or would you prefer to try other ways to twist the knife?"

She's baiting him. She's baiting him, and he let her. That's -- Maker's breath, if this gets back to Meredith --

[freedom_is_grey]

The answer to both those questions is an emphatic no.

The answers to both those questions are almost entirely meaningless because they will only sound like manipulation as well.

Anything she says seems like it will sound that way, at least now. Maybe if earlier she had --

But that's pointless, too.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kept you."

This, at least, has the virtue of being entirely true. On both counts.

[howtoactfereldan]

Cullen folds his arms.

Waits.






He will never turn his back on an apostate again.

[freedom_is_grey]

Ysalwen takes one step back. Then a second.

But only when Liranan steps neatly in between the two of them does she turn and make her way back inside.

(She promptly finds a chamber pot and throws up, hands weak and shaky, ears full of white noise. She is not at all used to being this terrified.)

Liranan only turns for his own retreat when she is fully inside.